UPROAR AS BAT AUCTION DONOR RENEGES ON DEAL [10/06/09 12:15:47]
In a sensational development, it appears that aged warhorse, number 7 batsman and ex-Whalebone skipper Paul da Vino has reneged on his deal to offer the 'Kookaburra Ice' to the highest bidder in the inaugural ADCC website auction! Da Vino had won the prized piece of Australian timber in the 'Big Ears draw' and had generously offered to re-auction the bat with the proceeds being split between himself and the club.
However, with his own Newbery 'Appleyard 5 star' wantonly destroyed by the farmer's boy from Waikato and bleak times ahead in the booze trade, ADCC's high profile sponsor has now pulled the plug.
In an interview that will send shivers down the club's finance sub committee, the follickly-challenged beer baron remained unrepentent amidst a wave of criticism: "You can all b****r off! If you think I'm shelling out 300 quid for a new 'Appleyard 5 star' just to keep some snotty-nosed kid from blubbering, you can think again! It's imperative that I get my place back above Gilroy in Kemsley Robb's batting order and for that I need a top notch bat. There's a perfectly good one staring me in the face and possession is nine tenths of the law! At the moment, I also need every penny, even after putting the Guinness up by 5p a pint!"
The actions of Da Vino (pictured right) were quickly condemned both at The Brow and in the neighbouring inbred enclave of Roughedge. Danny White (aged 9) who had won the auction was too upset to be interviewd, however his mother (26) was soon on the offensive. Nursing her young all-rounder, she expressed her ange: "He (Da Vino) is an absolute disgrace! My boy can't stop crying. He's far too upset to go to school (!!!!). He could be scarred for life! You just wait 'till Snelly hears about this!".
The soon-to-be-septuagenarian Head of Security John Stockbridge was quick to support Mrs White slamming the Fingrinhoe millionaire. "I've told 'em all, but nobody would listen. He's a two-faced c**t that one! Wouldn't surprise me if he did a runner before next season. Probably finish playing for some little team in a gay Norfolk village and sponsoring the Norfolk Cup holders. W***er!".
Unfortunately, the villain of the piece was unavailable to comment today although there were reports that he was spotted lunching at a local hostelry with some other lowlifes of the county.
This report was brought to you by your Fingringhoe Newshound
