GOVERNMENT ENQUIRY INTO 'PRE-TEAING' AT THE BROW [17/09/08 02:11:28]
Junior ministers have called for a full-scale Government enquiry into allegations of 'pre-teaing' at The Brow following Sunday's 3rd XI game against Cavaliers when players from both sides were distressed to find an insufficient supply of comestibles to satisfay themselves during the mid-match interval.
Skipper Ashley Edwards, the person responsble for providing the foodstuffs on the day of the match, left a fairly substantial feast to be served whilst his charges took the field. He was horrified to find that, after the first innings, the quota had been reduced by certain non-playing individuals indulging in 'pre-teaing'.
This outlawed practice involves the furtive removal of 'luxury' items such as jam doughnuts from the food table before the players have got their snouts in the trough!
Fortunately, as part of the club's fight against oragnised crime on match days, an expensive CCTV system was installed on the premises earlier in the season. As can clearly be seen from the image on the right, an overweight spectator is helping himself to fodder in advance of the prescribed time.
Asked to comment on this worrying new development, Head of Security John Stockbridge (69), who is clearly keeping a closer eye on the managerial situation at Manchester City than he is the players' teas, was rather coy and wouldn't rule out the possibility that more than one tea offender was involved.
"I am not saying that Everett operated on his own, nor am I saying that he had accomplices" the underfire security chief explained. He added: "However, on this occasion, a very large number of tea items went missing and I can't believe that the fat f***er ate the lot".
This incident will only serve to increase calls for the sacking of Stockbridge, whose performance as the security supremo has lately nosedived after a brief early summer improvement. There were even suspicions last night that he may have collaborated with the villain(s) on this occasion and received a share of the booty himself!
If these alleagations are proven correct, the club committee will have no option to bow to popular demand and remove the diminutive operator from office. "See if I give a f***" was his response when the website caught up with him this mornming for comment.
