From Jonners
Despite having played home and away for this great club for over 14 years, I am now only available HOME ONLY. I can think of atleast two good reasons why this should be the case and can only praise the Committee on this new appointment, WELL DONE INDEED. Lets just hope her heart isn't with the 1sts only. Jonners xxx
From John Wright
Tea Lady could be anti-productive. Standard of sandwiches unimportant, some like their cuppa without milk, tea interval far too long. On the other hand, if employed as a bar lady her role would be much more uplifting!!
From Chris
Teatime will never be the same again!
From Richard (Chappel & Wakes Colne CC)
My team are playing at Abberton on Sunday and we just cannot wait for the tea interval. Bugger the cricket!
From Foxy
Got to say what a great appointment made by the club; hope it went through the committee first!!!!! I bet Ev doesn't disappear from The Brow when it is tea time now..............
From Paul
I don't know what the new tealady's sandwiches will be like but her baps look magnificent!
From Jessica Dyke, Women's Liberartion Front
I am absolutely appalled by your choice of new tea lady. As a campaigner for women's rights, I am totally against the display of half naked females purely for the sexual gratification for all of your grubby little men.
If this appointment isnt reversed, I will formulate an action group to cause your club maximum inconvience.
From Michael Abrey
On Saturday the bookies had better be on there game the odds could change over by over or cluck by cluck. Surprised to see Mr Tom 'The sausage' Sawdon has not appeared as a outside favourite, might be worth a few of my hard grafted pounds. On another note I understand Mike 'the tool' Kettle has had a finger broken by Ryan 'pie chucker' Savil, such a shame to have his season ruined so early. Its just a good job that we recruited Sam 'James Foster' Trussler from Harwich as cover. This was a expensive transfer that cost (a record at the time) £79 million, this transfer was only meant as cover for 'the tool' as his availability (like most of the 1st team) is only 1 in 6 home only. On a brighter note its nice to see we have appointed a tea ladies as cover, this is good for two reasons, firstly it gets the other two tits out the way so we might have a chance of supplying some food for our Asian friends (the beef only day was a big mistake) and secondly it will be nice for Mr Callum 'I come and go as I please' Appleyard to have a new pair of big knockers to look at after he so sadly lost the golden globes earlier this year, they should make him feel right at home.
From Diggers
I would like to announce a most horrendous crime! Whilst at the club on Sunday evening, some prankster or ruffian stole my precious lunch box and contents (including of course a yogurt). I would like an assurance from the club and the Head of Security that finding my stolen goods is the absolute priority and expect it to be brought up at commitee tomorrow evening. hould the perpetrator choose to return by beloved tuppaware I won't take this matter any further.
From Dave
I made the effort to come to The Brow twice this weekend in order to acquaint myself with the new tealady and was very disappointed on both occasions. I am assuming that she doesn't commence her duties until next weekend.
From Mike 'my tool is my sword Kettle
Savill didn't break my finger!!! It was already broken and I'd been playing with it like that since the second game of the season!! Im sure Sammy T and 'Dont tell em ur name' Pike will do a sterling job in my absence and I can retire to a life of coaching the ladies team (from my chosen location of the showers) and setting the world to rights on a comfy stool at one end of the bar.................. oh s*** no sorry thats your job isn't it Budgie?
From Anon
Having attended the Bone v MCTC game last night at The Brow I feel compelled to email you regarding the on-going 6 Hit Challenge. I understand that one of the combatants for that challenge opened the batting for The Bone. If it was the slightly tubby short haired bloke then I will be amazed if he ever hits a 6 in his life. Despite last night being a 20/20 thrash, the bloke concerned seemed unable to hit the ball more than a couple of feet and crawled to a painful 7 from 9 overs. He must surely now pay up or get some more coaching from that Saffer Baboon Robb. After his performance last night I would rather watch Chris Tavare or Geoff Boycott at The Brow. HIT OUT OR GET OUT!
From Peter
I too attended the supposedly-glamorous tie between the Whalebone and MCTC on Tuesday and was disgusted by the obvious dissent shown to a couple of the umpiring decisions by individuals quite obviously not in a position to comment. The match officials should be respected at all times (irresepective of ability) and if this kind of behaviour continues, I will not be renewing my season ticket.
From Dr Kachali, Rowhedge Surgery
Note to Mr Everett. I asked to see you "six monthly". I did not expect you to make appointments six times every month!
From Reg Burch, Director, TransEurope Tealadies Ltd
I am delighted to inform you that Titania will be arriving tomorrow afternoon on the Ryanair flight from Talinn and will be ready to start her tea duties for Sunday's game.
From Andy Lockyer (Whalebone opening bat and 'brake' bowler)
Mr Anon stated I got 7 in 9 overs. I think you will find it was 9 in 7 overs. It was a shame Mr Anon wasn't awake to watch the whole match as my bowling was a lot lot better than my batting. I hope my overseas superstar coach gets well soon as I visibly need a little help on the six challenge!!
From Arthur 'Slinger' Bacon
May I say how honoured I was to be able to make my seasonal debut for the Whalebone earlier this week. It was an absolute joy to play for a captain who employed skill, insight and reading of the game instead of just guessing like the previous incumbent. His decision to assume the stumping duties was a true matchwinner and his performance in the field was of such a high order that memories of that bumbling, arthritic 'Woodpecker' Welton have evaporated into the past. What an inspiration!
From Shaun Calladine
Sparky and Jonners six hit challenge should change to how many times can Sparky get bat on ball!
From John Ward
I would like to congratulate our Chairman Simon Swinn on becoming the highest runscorer for Abberton & District Cricket Club when he passed my total of 21,860 in the game against Great Horkesley on Sunday.
Simon has achieved the record in just over 500 games less than myself, so that shows what a magnificent batsman he is. Also, h is without doubt the best cricketer that I played alongside in my 40 year playing career and has been a wonderful Ambassador for our Club and someone who the younger members should try and emulate. Once again, many congratulations Simon and may you score many more.
From the Editor
I should like to add my congratulations to those of Mr Ward to Simon; his achievement is a fantastic milestone and I was proud to be present when it happened. As an opposing captain, I enjoyed watching Simon bat and always thought that I could get him out, such was the flair with which he batted. It goes without saying that I didn't manage to secure his dismissal on too many occasions.
From Ryan O'Neil
The honeymoon is over! An ignominuous defeat to the window cleaners, bus drivers and kebab salesmen from Rowhedge will be enough to see the new captain bombed out in no time. Unless he can rally the troops quickly, its my guess that the Whalebone will have a new captain by the time of the August tour to Hungary.
From Neil Downs
The shame of it; how can I hold my head high this morning as I wander through the bustling port of Rowhedge going about my business. To rub salt in the wound, our much-heralded new captain was bowled by a man wearing shorts! The often outspoken landlord of the Albion (who apparently dropped himslef to make the team stronger) is so happy that he is offering free beer all day today. Might as well have an ale or two on him.
From Neil Morrissey
All the best Whalebone sides have had a nucleus or core of home-grown players. Where were Da Vino, Porky and Potton-Boiler last night? These boys have Fingringhoe tattoed on their hearts! Let's get rid of these overpaid prima donnas from Mersea and other foreign climes. Christ, we even had three Roughedge players in the side! I think the 'bone selection committee need to take a long hard look at themselves this morning after the shambles of last night.
From Tatum O'Neil
While at The Brow last night for the 'bone game, I noticed a most unusual thing: an ADCC committee member putting money into the till, rather than taking some out! Amazing!
From Neil Armstrong
Da Vino's undefeated 2007 side (the 'Lisbon Elifants' as they became affectionately known) would never have thrown in the towel ike that pathetic bunch of saps did last night. Where was the fight, the commitment, the never say die attitude? Adie, 2 amp, Pete the Greek, Kemmy van der Bokke must have all shed a little tear in the old 'boners retirement home! A bloody disgrace to their memory!
From Rowhedge Ron
I saw Kev Pegrum last night and he was a broken man. You Fingringhoe lot have such short memories. Three magnificent wins and then a slight stumble against near world class opposition and you are caling for his head.
