Full Name:  Paul Ian Johnson (his parents thought he was a girl and were hedging their bets as they were going to name her Pauline)

Nicknames:  Jonners, Buffoon

Birthplace:  Kent, 1966

Residence:  Karen's house in the Peoples' Republic of Langenhoe

Where educated:  Too numerous to list but ended up at one of the top thee Universities

Occupation:  Drug Pusher, Elastoplast Salesman

Previous clubs:  Ace of Hearts, King of Spades

Abberton debut:  v Elmstead, 1997 (Big Nose was skipper and I 'scored' the winnning leg bye)

Career HS:  114 v St Benedict Blind and Deaf XI

Career BB:  5-25 v St Benedict Blind and Deaf 2nd XI

Cricketing achievements:  Going from number 11 to number 1 in five years!

Best non-professional played with:  Louise from Garforth (never charged a penny)

Biggest cricketing influence:  The wife (she prefers it when I am away playing cricket)

Favourite local ground:  The Brow, no question

Least favourite local ground:  Anywhere on the Tendring peninsular

Favourite Abberton player:  Barry Rudlin

Three sporting legends:  Golden Gary Lineker, Alan Mullery, Jack Osbourne

Other sports played: Twitching, E-mailing the website, Heavy drinking

Most memorable sporting moment:  Playing for Brighton & Hove Albion U16s

Advice for young players:  Never pass up an ugly bird; they are just so grateful!

Favourite food:  Anything that Brian White buys for me

Favourite drink:  Pink Grapefruit Juice and Lemonade on crushed ice with a straw

Biggest fear in life:  Ending uplike Welton

Newspaper read:  The Times

Favourite 'lower shelf' periodical:  Birding Monthly, Wanderlust, National Geographic, BBC Wildlife, Spin