Simon Swinn

RHB/WK Born: Cambridge, 1962

A cricketing God at Abberton who was last season lured out of retirement with the offer of shower sex. Scorer of 1000 runs in a season on an amazing eleven occasions and his aggregate of 1835 in 1990 remains a club record by some considerable distance.

A very able (if often unwilling) wicket-keeper and a highly respected captain whom always controlled his side with dignity.

Habitual cross-dresser who did his reputation no service whatsoever when it was revealed that he was the batting coach to Andy Lockyer.